The end of the road

Yesterday night, another one of the journeys of my life came to a dead end. For reasons of which I am still in denial my relationship came to an end yesterday.

It hurts that you give someone your everything and it does not work out.

I so want to play the blame game right now and put it all on him but I need to understand that it takes two people for anything to work or fail.

To be honest I don’t even know why I am putting this out here and not in my personal diary. But whatever be the reason, I know one thing. After nearly 3 years of blogging, I am in some ways more comfortable with my readers here than maybe even my personal diary.

To all of you who came here expecting to read a post, I am sorry you had to face a rant.

Take care everyone. And though this won’t make much sense coming from someone most probably in depression, but don’t think too far ahead in life, the more elaborate plans you make, the more it hurts when they break.

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Complicated

Note : This story is a work of fiction and any resemblance in name, place etc to any person is purely coincidental.

 

 

 

Amrita was just another girl who had just turned twenty. She was very lucky woman for her age because she was in a no time-pass no nonsense long term relationship. There was no question as to the fact that she was very much in love with the man who loved her equally. Also their relationship was much mature owing to the fact that it was not a week or month old but had been there for a long time now.

Even in those moments when she was angry or upset at him, there was never even a thought that she might not love him or vice versa. Obviously not everything was picture perfect, but she understood that so was the case in every relationship of every kind.  The differences of opinion she had with him did not dampen their love.

Still, there was one ‘little complication’ in her heart. Though she loved dearly her boyfriend and was completely loyal to him, her heart was divided in two as she also loved dearly another man. When she had first met him, it had seemed to Amrita that this other man was no more than a fleeting crush. A feeling that would go away soon. It didn’t.

With the passage of time, her love for both men grew. While many thought it was impossible to love two people in the same manner at the same time, she disagreed. If it was perfectly normal to be in love with two men at different times, why was it any different if both were present at one time. Love is an emotion and it is not something that happens systematically as to only fall in love once you no longer love another person. In actuality, there can never be falling out of love, so she loved them both.

 

 

Now, while loving the other man, she knew very clearly that relationships were the last thing he was looking for. His calling in life was different and falling in love was something he actively avoided. Also she was sure that he was the kind of person to leave decisions such as that of a life partner on his parents or other people he trusted in that regard.

However, Amrita was fearful. She feared that if someday, her ‘second love’ did indeed fall in love, how would she react? How would she react if he fell in love with another woman? But more importantly, how would she react if he fell in love with her? He knew very well she was in a relationship, but what if in some manner she were to come to know of his love for her. What would she do then?

The choice between the two men she loved would maybe drive her crazy. And though she loved the second man with all her heart, just like she loved the first one, she knew not what to hope for in the future. Should she hope for the man to love another and move away or should she hope for him to fall in love with her and stay?

Amrita had no answers to her mindset and knew that it was, to put it simply, “complicated”.

Knowing

It is a much debated issue as to when do we come to know that it truly is love and not infatuation. In short, how does one differentiate between infatuation and the real thing?

Here’s how. Patience. IF it’s infatuation, some day soon it will be lost OR becoming centric to one part of the person’s personality. Eg: You might like only the way (s)he talks or sings etc.  So if after a period of time you start to like one or more characteristics of a person you can rest assured it is not love.

There’s another important lesson here. We cannot ‘love’ a person for his qualities. This is best explained by the line, ‘ If you can find a reason for your love for someone, then it is not love’. And that’s true. Love is a complete package and if one is able to break it into components it is not going to last.

This is simply for the reason that the other person is bound to change someday, no one stays the same in any aspect throughout their life. And when that change comes, what happens to your love?

So all those people, who say that you love the other person BECAUSE…………. face the light, it’s not love. Here’s an example to prove my point : For someone who says I love the other person for the way I am important to that person and the way (s)he cares for me; there will be days that the two of you will have fights or the other person may be unable to give you time and importance for some reason. And yes, such a time WILL come. So then would you stop loving?

Think about it.